Another Hufflepuff triumph occurred today when Professor N. Longbottom published his findings on what has come to be called the Longbottom Tincture in the journal Healing and Herbology. According to the article. Longbottom originally dropped a vial of dragon's blood onto a pile of devil's snare seed pods during a night carousing with Hogwarts gamekeeper Rubeus Hagrid, after Hagrid patted him on the back a bit too firmly. Surreptitiously, Hagrid's other guest for nightcaps that evening was a disguised vampire. When the vampire attacked, Longbottom hurled the resulting mess of seedpods and dragon's blood at him, as a diversion. It ensued that the tincture produced immediate docility in the vampire, followed by an ability to digest Hagrid's rock cakes. "We were stunned, stunned I tell you," Hagrid is quoted as saying, "I had no idea that old Ferrous was a vampire. Been mates for years down at t'pub."
Longbottom replicated his results in thirty clinical trials at the entrance of Knockturn Alley before sharing the breakthrough with the broader wizarding world. Sources close to the Minister of Magic suggest that Longbottom may be granted a place on the Wizengamot for his discovery, which has made it possible for hundreds of vampires to rejoin decent wizard society. The Daily Prophet awarded Longbottom top place on its list of Life Altering Loonies for the benefits he has brought to wizards everywhere, now no longer afraid of becoming victims of vampirism. In an extraordinary turn, the Quibbler reported accurate scientific data. According to their article, Longbottom has saved approximately four thousand lives per annum. The tincture will likely be used as supporting evidence for Chief Witch Granger's campaign to open Hogwarts to docility-induced monster students under her Controlled Students Bill currently before the Ministry of Magic.
And what does Professor Longbottom have to say about all the fanfare? "It's amazing. If I hadn't been asking Hagrid to identify the source species of dragon blood as a particular favor to my friend Charlie when that vampire attacked, we never would have made this discovery. It just goes to show how good things come from good friends."
